The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
