You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
