mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
