first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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