the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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