sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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