my room smells like sperm. sweet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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