well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
