well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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