I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
