I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
