Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
