am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
