i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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