I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
whose parrot is this?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
