In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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