She is in my trunk
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
