The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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