i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
