And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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