Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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