and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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