She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
