Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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