and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
