i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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