On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
