either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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