Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am spending my child support on dildos
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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