i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
