you guys were way drunker than both of me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
