Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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