I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
