Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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