There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
