I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
