fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
