I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
