You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
