you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
