Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
