Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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