dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
