last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
