I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
