I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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