i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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