Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have post one night stand depression
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
