people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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