Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
