"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
