Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
